[That gets a snorting laugh out of Nicky, which definitely is enough to wake anyone who's still up, and he's tempted to take off the towel and smack Joe with it, but he doesn't.
Only just. He is somewhat mature, still.
Once he ducks into the room, he shakes his head and digs into their bags for something to wear, finding one of Joe's shirts that he intends to keep and a comfortable pair of sweatpants that he intends to wear without underwear.] Even more reason for them to want to send us off.
[ He smiles warmly as Nicky pulls on his shirt. That's a good look too.
Joe rubs at his hair one more time before he grabs a pair of boxer briefs to sleep in along with a random tank top that could be his or Nicky's, hard to say when their clothes are all kept together. ]
Do you really think they'll deny us? You still seem worried.
[Nicky's smile goes extra wide for the fact that he's pretty sure Joe is wearing his top. He crawls back onto the bed, but sits up this time, reaching for the wine to top them up, handing it properly to Joe as he considers the question.]
It's not them I worry about. It's my own guilt and how it might change depending on their reaction.
[As much as he needs the break, the thought of losing time with Andy stings bitterly.]
[Nicky drinks the wine a little like it's water, but then, his body will repair any damage. He gives a small noise of acknowledgement, because Joe is right. Of course he's right. It still feels selfish, even if he needs the time with Joe to remind himself they aren't lab rats, not anymore.
Turning to Joe, his eyes are still haunted.]
It still feels like it, even if I'm sure she will shove us out the door once we ask. Will I regret it, then? When she is gone?
We will regret because she will be gone and we will be grieving.
[ There's a heavy sadness in his voice. Joe knows neither of them will be ready when Andy does pass away. It wouldn't matter if they spent all her last years together or not. ]
And after we've grieved and after we've healed, we will remember her and celebrate the time we had. We won't regret it.
[Grieving for Andy and worrying about when it will be their turn, Nicky doesn't say, but he knows is the truth. Losing Andy is only one piece of it, but maybe they can focus on Nile and eventually Booker.
Though, Nicky is still too mad to even think about Booker.]
No, never.
[He finishes the wine and sets it on the bedside, leaning back and draping an arm behind his head to stare at the ceiling.] What do you think she would want us to do, when she is gone? I know I want to keep doing good, but maybe there are things we can do to carry on her name.
[ Booker is an entirely different issue they'll talk about another night. ]
Perhaps... we look for Quyhn. A few decades with modern technology maybe we can finally find her. [ Joe slides down and rests his head in Nicky's lap. ] We could pretend to be historians and publish some correct history about her past. We'll keep doing good in her name, of course, but we will also find little ways to help that remind us for her.
[Booker is going to remain off-limits until Nicky's ice towards him has thawed. He's grateful he got out, but he'd rather not talk about him, to him, or around him anytime soon.
Absently, Nicky begins to pet Joe's curls, trying to tame some of the curls as they dry, a pang in his heart at the thought of Quynh.]
I want so badly to find her. [Speaking of guilt.] I know there was no way for us to find her before, but how can we look her in the eye if we ever do find her, knowing how many centuries it's been?
We try and make it right by spending more centuries looking out for her after we find her.
[ He feels the guilt too. They had tried everything and failed. Even as technology improved they hadn't tried again. It's a hard thing to come to terms with. ]
We'd have to start all over from the beginning. Look at shipping records or maybe some museum has diaries or journals. We never did narrow it down. After our vacation, love, we'll mention it to Andy and see if she wants to try again.
[ Because if they feel guilty Andy's guilt must be ten times worse. Those women loved each other. Joe could not imagine how he would be if it was Nicky at the bottom of the ocean. ]
[Nicky can't imagine what it was like for either of them, and he tightens his hold on Joe a little more.]
We could always cash in some investments and buy the right equipment, contract a university and offer them a grant to find it.
[Joe's right. After the vacation. Right now, the lab had been bad enough, even if they had been in that cage together. Still, only days and it had been torture to see them torture Joe like that, and do nothing about it.]
Mio caro, what will you do, then? During our vacation? Apart from eating all my wonderful food.
They have sonar and submarines these days, I'm sure someone would take our money to find it.
[And it can't be too far. If it sank, then they would know where it was, roughly, because Nicky doubts they would have waited long to rid themselves of their problem. He is, though, as ever, grateful it had not been him and Joe.]
You can cook me breakfasts as you like, and sketch me first thing and watch as I lounge in nothing at all. I want to find an apartment where clothes can be optional
[Nicky resumes his petting of Joe's hair, taking his time to slide his fingers in, twining the curls around his fingertips, loving the way they shift against his touch.]
Yes, of course, the house, where we can be naked and I can wear nothing but a little apron to cook for you.
[That earns a bone-deep laugh of appreciation from Nicky, thinking about wearing an apron around a beach house with nothing beneath it, all for Joe to discover when he comes to breakfast.]
I would never want to disappoint you. I'll find something immediately for your approval.
[He sinks his fingers a little deeper, scraping at his skull.] I think my mood has settled enough for sleep, my love.
[ There. That's the sound he's missed. Joe smiles easily knowing he's done exactly what Nicky needed to breathe easier. They'll work the rest of it out on vacation. ]
Alright, alright. Hang on. [ Joe sits up, kisses him softly and then lies down on his side so that Nicky can get comfortable as the little spoon. ] Come here.
[Nicky sets the bottle of wine on the ground with the glasses, digging out the knife to put it on the bedside table before he settles back against Joe's arms, tangling their fingers together so that he can press them just over his heart.
This is good, this is perfect. It's much better than watching idiots eat cacti.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Only just. He is somewhat mature, still.
Once he ducks into the room, he shakes his head and digs into their bags for something to wear, finding one of Joe's shirts that he intends to keep and a comfortable pair of sweatpants that he intends to wear without underwear.] Even more reason for them to want to send us off.
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[ He smiles warmly as Nicky pulls on his shirt. That's a good look too.
Joe rubs at his hair one more time before he grabs a pair of boxer briefs to sleep in along with a random tank top that could be his or Nicky's, hard to say when their clothes are all kept together. ]
Do you really think they'll deny us? You still seem worried.
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It's not them I worry about. It's my own guilt and how it might change depending on their reaction.
[As much as he needs the break, the thought of losing time with Andy stings bitterly.]
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[ He settles next to him shoulder to shoulder. No funny stuff he just wants to be close like always. ]
Why would you feel guilty?
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[He leans over to hand the wine to Joe, knowing that the subject will stop them from getting up to too much, even as his brow furrows.]
I feel guilty taking even the time I need when we are in this situation.
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[ Still, he doesn't feel that accepting of it. He sips at his wine, trying to think of what the right thing to say is. ]
She won't be far. We will have our phones. We can call her. We can even invite her and Nile to visit for a few days if we truly start to miss them.
[ He lays his free hand gently on Nicky's thigh. ]
If something does happen we can be by her side in a day or less. We aren't abandoning her.
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Turning to Joe, his eyes are still haunted.]
It still feels like it, even if I'm sure she will shove us out the door once we ask. Will I regret it, then? When she is gone?
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[ There's a heavy sadness in his voice. Joe knows neither of them will be ready when Andy does pass away. It wouldn't matter if they spent all her last years together or not. ]
And after we've grieved and after we've healed, we will remember her and celebrate the time we had. We won't regret it.
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Though, Nicky is still too mad to even think about Booker.]
No, never.
[He finishes the wine and sets it on the bedside, leaning back and draping an arm behind his head to stare at the ceiling.] What do you think she would want us to do, when she is gone? I know I want to keep doing good, but maybe there are things we can do to carry on her name.
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Perhaps... we look for Quyhn. A few decades with modern technology maybe we can finally find her. [ Joe slides down and rests his head in Nicky's lap. ] We could pretend to be historians and publish some correct history about her past. We'll keep doing good in her name, of course, but we will also find little ways to help that remind us for her.
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Absently, Nicky begins to pet Joe's curls, trying to tame some of the curls as they dry, a pang in his heart at the thought of Quynh.]
I want so badly to find her. [Speaking of guilt.] I know there was no way for us to find her before, but how can we look her in the eye if we ever do find her, knowing how many centuries it's been?
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[ He feels the guilt too. They had tried everything and failed. Even as technology improved they hadn't tried again. It's a hard thing to come to terms with. ]
We'd have to start all over from the beginning. Look at shipping records or maybe some museum has diaries or journals. We never did narrow it down. After our vacation, love, we'll mention it to Andy and see if she wants to try again.
[ Because if they feel guilty Andy's guilt must be ten times worse. Those women loved each other. Joe could not imagine how he would be if it was Nicky at the bottom of the ocean. ]
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We could always cash in some investments and buy the right equipment, contract a university and offer them a grant to find it.
[Joe's right. After the vacation. Right now, the lab had been bad enough, even if they had been in that cage together. Still, only days and it had been torture to see them torture Joe like that, and do nothing about it.]
Mio caro, what will you do, then? During our vacation? Apart from eating all my wonderful food.
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[ He takes Nicky's hand, brings it to his lips, and kisses his knuckles. He can feel how tense he is. ]
I will sketch and maybe paint. Sleep until noon. Catch up on some reading. Cook for you when you'll let me.
[ Back to planning their escape, then, so Nicky can relax again and sleep well. ]
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[And it can't be too far. If it sank, then they would know where it was, roughly, because Nicky doubts they would have waited long to rid themselves of their problem. He is, though, as ever, grateful it had not been him and Joe.]
You can cook me breakfasts as you like, and sketch me first thing and watch as I lounge in nothing at all. I want to find an apartment where clothes can be optional
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[ Joe chuckles as he closes his eyes, smiling a little. There. Sounds like Nicky is back on track to relaxing. ]
We're renting a house on the beach, love. Where clothing will definitely be optional. No apartments. There are too many people and not enough privacy.
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Yes, of course, the house, where we can be naked and I can wear nothing but a little apron to cook for you.
[It's already a much better vision in his mind.]
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Yes, that's it exactly. One that shows off your ass to perfection.
[ Just like that towel. Joe will reminder that towel forever. ]
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I would never want to disappoint you. I'll find something immediately for your approval.
[He sinks his fingers a little deeper, scraping at his skull.] I think my mood has settled enough for sleep, my love.
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Alright, alright. Hang on. [ Joe sits up, kisses him softly and then lies down on his side so that Nicky can get comfortable as the little spoon. ] Come here.
[ He opens his arms to Nicky. ]
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This is good, this is perfect. It's much better than watching idiots eat cacti.]
We tell them at breakfast tomorrow?
[If they somehow don't already know.]
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Mmhm. Over breakfast.
[ He nuzzles against the back of Nicky's neck and squeezes his hand gently. He's asleep in seconds, comforted and safe with his love. ]